My Little Pastaaa!: Heroes Are Magic
by Energizer Bonnie
Summary: The Allies and Axis Powers find themselves stuck in Ponyville - how /unmanly/. Who will annoy Germany to death first: Italy or Pinkie Pie? Has America finally met his match in the heroine that is Rainbow Dash? Be prepared for crack shipping and randomnes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Why England is Not the Hero.

England waggled his thick eyebrows. "Alright, mates, let's make some magic!...Literally."

America crossed his arms over his bomber jacket, annoyance written all over his face. He didn't like being shown up by people who were dumb enough to call French fries 'chips'. "England, since your magic stuff never seems to work, can we just go back to _my_ plan? I could be the hero!" The American thrust a thumb at his chest to emphasize the point, causing the other three members of the Allies - France, Russia, and China - to roll their eyes. England wasn't even going to waste the energy.

"Yeah, right, like we need anymore of _that_. Look, America," He turned to face his blue eyed comrade, who was taking a battle stance in case England decided to go crazy. "I've learned by now that there's no point in trying to explain these things to you; magic is just too sophisticated for you to understand." America opened his mouth to protest, but the Brit quickly carried on, "And so here's all you need to know: when my spell is cast, these wankers will be blown out of existence, and we'll all get to live happily ever after. And yes, you will be a hero."

England turned back to face the beach and peer down upon his prey, whilst America thought this over. Below, three men played in the brilliantly sparkling waters of the Mediterranean Sea: Germany, a tall, chiseled blonde haired man, who was the leader of the Axis Powers; Japan, the dark haired and faired skin man pondering who knew what as he sat on the white sands and stared into the distance; and the biggest nuisance of the trio, the young red haired man by the name of Italy, who was diligently building a ten-foot tall sculpture of a dish of what seemed to be eggplant Parmesan, vehing away under the perplexed eye of Germany. England chuckled to himself, _Bloody hell, this ought to be easier than defeating the French army._

Speaking of which..."England, can you be anymore of a snail?" France flipped his blonde hair out of his face to properly glare at England. "We've been standing here for absolutely _ages_ watching you check them out. Can you move it along, I've got places to be, Brits to kick..." England stood back up, glaring at his companion briefly before raising his arms above his head and facing the beach. "Only if you'll shut up."

Waving his arms in a magical manner, scrunching his face and raising his eyebrows, England breathed in deeply...

"Our enemies who've driven us crazy,

Prepare for your minds to be hazy!"

The other four countries gathered behind England and stared in shock; the skies seemed to be churning and turning a dark, stormy purple. Below, the Axis Powers looked up as well, confusion creeping onto their faces. Italy, fear slowly taking over his mind, whispered, "Vehh~...?" England continued his chanting:

"It's time for you to say good-bye

As in this world you'll no longer reside

Travel far, don't bother with resistance:

See you in the world of non existence!"

Suddenly the dark skies shook with thunder as a huge lightning bolt shot down onto the beach. Germany tackled his friends to the ground, shielding them with his own body, though Italy hardly seemed to notice as he was too busy screaming, "AHHHHHHHHH, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE, NONONONONO..."

But as the bolt struck the ground, a huge light emanated from it, consuming the Axis Powers, and everything else surrounding the beach...Including the Allied countries, who had scarcely enough time to react before they were blinded by the light.

And then everything went black.

TIIIIIME LAAAAAPSE.

America blinked awake. He had a headache of monstrous proportions, but considering what just happened...wait, how was he even still alive?

With a quick gasp, he realized his hero instincts must've turned on, causing him to scoop up all his comrades and run to higher ground! _I'm so fantastic! _Laughing his signature laugh, he hopped to his feet and took his hero stance. "Once again, gents, I'm the he-rOOOOO!"

America swung his arms out like a helicopter, but for some reason couldn't stand up straight. With an 'eep!' he collapsed back onto his back, huffing indignantly. "...That was _completely_ intentional, my glasses must just be dirty." He pursed his lips and grumbled as he picked up his glasses with his hands an-

...Double take.

Hands?

America whipped his "hands" up to his face. His jaw dropped. "No. Way." The hero waved his white hooves around in panic. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BEAUTIFUL FINGERS?"

+/-

So. Hey y'all. First crossover attempt.

And honestly, at one in the morning, I gotta say...this sounds preeeeetty fuckin' good right now.

What'd y'all think?

Oh, and by the way...be prepared for some shipping.

Hard-core crack style.

*grins* Because I'm 20% more awesome (yes I did just smoosh 'em together bitches).

Hope y'all are having a good week. Love y'all!

-Energizer Bonnie.


	2. Chapter 2

"OHNOTHISCAN'TBEHAPPENINGTOMEIWASSOGREAT..."

_Oh God, please tell me I'm dreaming and not actually waking up with that damn American._ England opened a bleary eye. Unfortunately, he wasn't dreaming: America stood before him screaming and waving his arms about in an extremely panicked mannhold the phone.

Wait.

Was that...was America...?

The bushy browed country sat up instantly.

Oh Lord...America was a...pony?

How much more idiotic could he get?

Not to mention _patriotic_: the bloke was white with red and blue hair - erm, mane. And were those _wings _on his back? England narrowed his eyes and attempted to stand up for a closer inspection - and tumbled backwards instead.

He gasped and supported himself backwards against a tree. _Oh please no, please no... _England glanced down at himself.

Eeyup.

Dark green pony.

Just as he had feared.

His breathing got heavier as he tried to think things through - though this was quite a task with America still spinning about in shock. _The spell..._ He tapped his chin. _Perhaps it did, in fact, work: we are in a world of nonexistence after all. But maybe...it took us all instead of just the Axis Powers!_ England's eyes widened in realization of what must be the truth, and gripped the tree behind him for dear life.

"Oyy, England, you will be letting go of me soon, da?"

"EEP!" The Brit spun around to see the gray pony that must've been Russia, who was fixing his white mane and scarf, seemingly undeterred by this change in species. "Don't be frightened, Iggy - at least not yet, I'm not quite ready to destroy you!" He tilted his head and smiled.

England returned the smile nervously, "Um, right..." He cleared his throat, regaining composure, "Have you seen the others, Russia?"

The gray pony paused for a few moments thoughtfully, then pointed a hoof to the left at a nearby tree. "I found America."

England turned and groaned: the patriotic pony had discovered his wings and took immediate use of them by flying into a tree, where he seemed to be scouring his surroundings. England facehoofed. "Thank you for that, but I already knew of him...unfortunately." Sighing, he glanced back to Russia. "What about China and France?"

Before he could say 'vodka', a distant yelling filled the air, and fast grew louder...until two ponies dropped out of the sky on top of the Russian. England nodded his head. "Good, it seems you've located them quite rightly then."

Russia stood up from under the dog pile with the two other ponies draping over his back: one was a red pegasus with a black mane, and the other a stunning blue stallion with a long, golden mane.

England tapped them both with a hoof. "Jolly to see you made it, China, and...well less so for you, France, but nonetheless," The two ponies climbed off Russia's back onto the grass and faced England, shaking themselves off.

China pawed at the ground and huffed, "England, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that spell was _not_ supposed to turn us all into miniature, four-legged, hooves equines!" He reared up in anger and gave the Brit a close-up look at two of those four hooves. "What kind of _idiot_ messes up this badly, tell me?"

"Obviously him," France purred out, stroking his mane casually with one hoof, "Not that it matters to me: I still look gorgeous no matter _what_ species I am."

England fumed and flattened his ears. He stepped forward. "I did _not_ mess up! We just happened to be too close to the after shock of the bl-OOMF!" His body was flat as a pancake and weighed down by an annoyingly familiar voice: "Aha! My troops! It seems I've discovered a new battleground for the war - behold!" America hovered upwards, releasing England, and thrust his hoof to their left. The five ponies turned to see a village not far off from where they stood, perhaps a half-mile away. Ponies could be seen walking about the houses and buildings, and if one looked closely enough, a sign could be seen near the main road reading, "Welcome to Ponyville!"

France narrowed his eyes. "Ponyville? Honestly, they couldn't come up with anything more creative than _Ponyville?_"

England trotted up next to him, brushing himself off. "Yes, as opposed to something like Trottingham or Stallondon." He whinnied at his own joke, while France shook his mane in distaste. "Hilarious."

"Enough chitchat!" America zoomed over their heads to the front of the herd. Waving his white hooves, he grinned and yelled, "Onward to battle! I'm gonna be the hero!" And down the hill towards the village he flew.

The others followed along at a more leisurely pace, still a bit wobbly on their new hooves.

England kept his head down as he trotted along. He couldn't help but thinking bitterly, _Of all the things that could happen, I get turned into a pony with America...Bloody hell, someone shoot me._

CHAAAARACTER CHAAAANGE.

Not too far east, the Axis Powers were finishing the same journey into Ponyville, having already been through the whole we've-been-turned-into-ponies-freak out. Germany was leading the way with his head held lower than normal; he wasn't particularly please he had been turned into something so...girly. "Of all the animals, it had to be talking carnival ponies for little girls..." he had grumbled after seeing his dark gray fur.

Italy and Japan trotted on either side of their blonde leader, each in his own little world: Italy's being one filled with all the bright new things he was seeing around him. The little blue pony couldn't stop vehing, sticking his nose into every plant and bouncing after every animal. Japan shared Italy's curiosity for this new world as well; his was just less...exuberant. The white and black pony searched every detail, thoughtfully taking it all in.

They reached the town in good time - although that wasn't exactly pleasant news for Germany. He stopped, narrowed eyes looking around. There were so many ponies, walking, laughing, shopping...and they all looked like..._girls._

_Shizah._ Germany watched a green and white unicorn pony kiss a pink and purple earth pony on the cheek, each giggling delightedly. _I really have ended up in a little girl's dream._

"Germany," Japan came forward, "We have a slight problem with Italy."

Germany huffed. "Everything's a problem with that boy." He turned, scanning the marketplace for him. "As long as there's no gren-..." Germany froze and his eyes grew wide. "Oh shizah."

Italy - while his friends' backs were turned - had figured out, after a few moments of close study, the main gender of the populace. And with so many ladies around, how could an Italian resist? He was now chatting away to five or six mares, animatedly waving his hooves and wings about and making them all laugh.

"...And so now I'm so happy to be here with you all! It's so pretty here, I lovelove_love_ it! We've never been around po-"

"ITALY!" The mares screamed and scattered as the German landed on Italy and pinned him to the wall with his hoof. "What do you think you're doing? We do not have relations with the locals! This could be an Allied trap, intended to get our defenses down against these seemingly harmless ponies." He threw Italy across his back. The pegasus pony simply smiled at his friend. "Don't worry, Germany: everybody's just-a so nice here! They're so cuddly and cuuuuuuute..."

Italy continued talking, but Germany wasn't listening anymore. He was instead trotting across the square to the approaching unicorn that was Japan. "Germany," he called, "I've found somewhere we could hide out until we find a way home."

The German's blue eyes lit up for a moment, before returning to their normal seriousness. "Show me. We don't need Italy in the public eye anymore than necessary." Japan gave a quick nod before gracefully turning and trotting around a corner; Germany followed, easily keeping Italy on his back.

"Weeeeee, pony riiiiiiiide!" He held his hooves over his head. "Veh~!..."

After a block, Japan stopped in front of their destination: a giant tree with a sign in front reading, "Wooden Public Library."

Germany stood next to Japan, looked it over briefly, and nodded. "Yes, this looks nice. We can hide out behind the bookshelves for a few days and-" Germany suddenly peered at his back: Italy's weight was no longer there.

"WEEEEEE, GEEEEEERMANY! GEEEEERMANY! LOOK I CAN FLY, GERMANY!" Japan and Germany looked up right as Italy flew over their heads and through the library door. A loud _crash!_ was followed.

The two stood silently for a moment. Japan murmured, "So much for 'hiding out'..."


End file.
